Sunday, March 29, 2009

Signals & Signs

Today while driving on a street near my house, the driver in the car coming toward me was motioning wildly at me. He seemed to be yelling at me when I was doing nothing but minding my own business, enjoying the drive home and singing at the top of my lungs as I am often found doing in the car.

I was taken aback by his actions…almost offended…

Why? I’m not sure.

Maybe it made me think of all of the times that drivers are nasty to each other. And I’ll admit that I’m probably the least like Jesus when driving. Other people’s driving always bothers me. They never do it right. And it tends to bring out the not-so-pleasant side of me. They go too fast, too slow, don’t know the rules for certain situations (not that I do it perfectly, but being a rule-follower, I do know those).

I tell my very spunky, young-acting (and looking) 67 year-old mother that she drives like an old lady (of course, that is simply the truth and sometimes the truth hurts, people!). I tell my beloved and nearly-perfect husband how to drive, and even though I try to keep my mouth shut, I simply can’t (please pray for him!). In fact, we agree that the older we get, the more I’ll need to drive most places that we go together. I think that little arrangement will be the key to keeping our great marriage intact for the long-haul. Sometimes I get so mad when driving that I do talk out loud to other drivers…maybe even yell...just a little... And, yes, I am fully aware of my control-freak tendencies!

I even spoke out loud yesterday as if to answer the guy driving the other car, “What, dude? WHAT? Why are you yelling at me? I’m not doing anything wrong! There is nothing wrong with my car! I didn’t do anything wrong!” And as I remembered that yesterday in that exact same spot on that exact same road another guy did the same thing to me, I said it even louder and with a huge sigh, “WHAT?!?!?!?”

Then a huge smile started to creep across my face.
A warm feeling started to penetrate my heart.
And a little prayer of forgiveness was raised as I told God I was sorry for acting like a fool.
It dawned on me at that moment what was going on:
The driver yesterday and the driver today were both trying to warn me. To warn me. To signal me. To save me. To help me avoid something ahead.
Both days a police car was lurking in a very wooded driveway on that road…waiting to catch someone speeding.

What a nice gesture! How kind! While I wasn’t speeding, being the rule-follower that I am I was glad for the heads-up so that I could be “extra good” at the moment I passed that driveway. (Not that we should try to dodge the police when we are doing something that’s not quite the right thing and are rightfully caught.) It was interesting to me that 2 people, only 24 hours apart in my meeting them on the road, both signaled to me. They didn’t have to do that…if they thought I was going too fast, they might have thought I was about to get my due, but both really wanted to get the message across, to get my attention.

When seeing those gestures, those signals, that communication, I had jumped to the wrong conclusion both times, only later realizing their true intent. What’s even worse is that jumping to conclusions is not my natural tendency. They were trying to help, but I “read” them wrong…

How many times do we do that to God?

How many times does He try in earnest to get our attention, communicate with us, speak to us, yet we misinterpreted it? How often do we jump to the wrong conclusion?

How often do we miss His voice altogether?

There are plenty of Biblical references to asking God for a sign. Gideon, King Ahaz, The servant of Abraham, King Hezekiah, and even Satan ask God for signs. But asking for signs is an act of unbelief that shows God our lack of faith.

I’ll admit that especially in trying to make the bigger life decisions, it’s tempting to ask God to show us a sign that boldly announces which way to go. It’s something that I have to remind myself not to do sometimes, too, as it’s easy to want that reassurance ahead of time.

But here’s the thing: God wants us to step out into faith and TRUST that He will meet us there. The sign that we’ve done the right thing will be His undeniable stamp of approval after we’ve demonstrated that we believe in our heart of hearts that He is real and that we are His. And because we’ve demonstrated it.

He will show us the signs, but not because in a faithless plea we begged Him to. He will show us because with everything that is in us we knew that He would. We don’t need to ask God for signs because when we believe in Him wholly, he will just give them to us as gifts.

He will, just like the drivers I passed, motion wildly if we are on the wrong path. He will speak to us…He HAS spoken to us. It’s just that sometimes we misinterpret it by twisting it into what we want it to be. Sometimes we miss it because we have an attitude. Sometimes we miss it due to something as simple as just not listening, not paying attention.

As much as we might want to ask for a sign, God calls us to walk by faith, not by sight.
And I promise you this: God will show up, and He’ll show up big, if and when we believe that He will.

Question: Are you walking by faith or are you waiting for signs?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

That Way for a Reason

Below is one of my favorite quotes ever:

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight ~ but never stop fighting!" -e.e. cummings

I’ve always felt like I march to the beat of a different drummer…
…I’m a contrarian.
I like to do my own thing, I don’t like to be told what to do (though I’ve never ever been rebellious), I’m certainly my own person, I don’t like to follow the crowd, and I don’t like to be copied.
I’ve always been like that. Always.

Yet I feel that the world is constantly trying to mold me and craft me into what it wants me to be.

You know those hard middle school years…when you feel like a huge dork 100% of the time? I tried just a little bit to fit in then… But trying to fit in was like trying to put a square peg in a round hole, and I quickly realized that it couldn’t be done.

I had to learn to love the things that made me different, even if those things seem strange (or however they seem) to others.
And through learning to love those things about myself over all of these years, I think I’ve also learned to really appreciate the differences in others.

As a society we are quick to want to focus on how we are all alike, and that’s not a bad thing to focus on if that’s what it takes for us to get beyond the small stuff and get to know the heart of someone. But is that really the only way we can embrace each other as humans?

In fact, the world even wants everyone to be alike. Why is that? Why do we try to conform and to get others to as well? Why is peer pressure such a problem? Why do we seek other’s approval so much? Why do we try to impress? Why don’t we passionately, but respectfully argue more? Why don’t we challenge each other to think for ourselves a little more? And when someone blindly states something as truth, why don’t we kindly ask them to back it up with facts? Why don’t I kindly ask them to?

I don’t want to live in a world where we all look the same, act the same, talk the same, think the same.

As a society, why can’t we acknowledge that we are all different, yet “wonderfully made”?
Embrace the differences.
Celebrate the differences.
Enjoy the differences.
Find the good in the differences.
And talk openly and honestly about the differences.

I get the whole “finding the common ground” thing, I guess…
…OK, I guess I don’t get it!!!!
We are supposed to love others just because they are created in the image of God, not because they are like us.
While I’ll admit that is it more fun to be close friends with people who like to do the same things as I do and, those details shouldn’t matter when it comes to treating others well, showing respect, and appreciating them as people who are made by God.

Have you ever felt “not like yourself”? I absolutely adore singing in our church’s worship choir. It is an awesome, God-filled experience every time our voices join together. Oh, how I love it! We have to wear all black when we sing, and I couldn’t agree more with the reasoning behind it. It’s just that in doing so, I feel completely unlike me: colorful, LOTS of jewelry, a little on the eccentric side…yet there I have to blend in, which is something I’m not good at nor like to do.
And in choir I have to totally reign in the whole shoe thing. (Nothing is better than a great, sassy pair of shoes to make that black dress pop! But the plain black is required.)

Maybe you’re a sporty girl (which I have trouble even identifying with), and you live in tennis shoes and adidas pants. When you have to wear a dress and heels, if you even own any, you feel totally unlike yourself and can’t wait to change clothes!
Maybe you’re a little bit country (Marie) and someone else in your life is a little bit rock n’ roll (Donny) and they keep making you listen to their music…and it’s just not you.

You get the idea…

But I want to challenge you to start thinking about it in a new way:
Every cell in my body aches for me to be 100% of who I am…to be true to myself…regardless of how different that is from the next person.
And I believe that God made me like that for a reason.
He made you like you are for a reason, too.

I believe with my whole heart that each of us is put on this earth for a specific purpose. That particular purpose can only be lived out, that very legacy left, if we embrace what makes us uniquely us. We’re not supposed to be like anyone else. We’re supposed to reject conformity and cookie-cutter-ness!

If we try to be something we’re not, aren’t true to ourselves, or ignore what ignites our passion, we are defying God and the very reason he created us.

Song of Solomon 6:9: …my perfect one is unique…


It is our job and responsibility to embrace and develop who we are. To use our God-given talents. To work on ourselves so that we are continually improving. To speak about our obstacles. To go where our heart is truly leading us…for that feeling in our hearts that we can’t ignore is God speaking the calling upon our lives.

And I think it is our job and responsibility to realize that about other people, too.

This week a friend and I talked & emailed about her son, his ADD, and a less than helpful parent-teacher conference. It got me thinking about this very subject. All of us, with all of our hang-ups, all of our quirks, idiosyncrasies, baggage, and experiences are made the way we are for a reason.

It’s what we do with all of it that matters.

What I so badly want is for her son’s teacher to understand that while his ADD is a part of who he is, it is not WHO he is. He is wonderfully made, ADD and all, through a perfect formulation of skills and talents and passions and maybe even some quirks, so that one day he might fulfill the purpose for his life. The very one for which God created him. The one that no one else in the universe can fulfill but him. Her son is the way that he is for a reason. And he needs to be embraced at home, at school, and in society for that perfect combination, whether or not it includes ADD.

I want her son’s teacher to find every wonderful thing in that boy and let my friend know that while there may be some things to work through, she loves him for all of who he is. That is our job as teachers: to value every cell that knits that child together and then to take him as far emotionally, socially, and academically as he can go.

And as a parent, I know from experience what it feels like to have someone (even lots of people) make you feel like the only thing about your child is that “one thing”. What about my kid’s creativity, his problem solving ability, his insightfulness that is way beyond his years, his very dry and sarcastic humor, his leadership ability? Those are the things that really set him apart, that make him march to the beat of his own drummer. Those things matter so much more. And, my kid apparently needs that “one thing” to not only make him authentically who he is, but to live out the whole reason God created him in the first place. He’s that way for a reason.

Psalm 139:13-15 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Let’s help each other see our differences. Let’s appreciate them, acknowledge them, learn from them.
Let’s prosper and succeed, not in spite of them, but because of them.
Let’s realize that using the ways we are different is the only way we can glorify God in fulfilling His will for our lives.

After all, He’s made each of us unique for a reason and I love knowing that I’m the only me there is!

Question: What makes you YOU? What do you think God’s purpose was in creating you with the exact combination of characteristics that you have?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Grocery Store Etiquette

Manners 101: Grocery Store Etiquette
How to Behave Like a Decent Human Being in the Grocery Store
An Essay by Alyssa McCool

Hey, I'm no Emily Post or Letitia Baldridge, but I am a 1979 graduate (and I use that term loosely!) of White Gloves and Party Manners! ...My momma made me attend...and much to my dismay at the time, I did learn some very useful social graces that have served me well over the years.

I know how to properly address envelopes whether the couple is married with the same last name, married with different last names, or unmarried. I know how to set the table properly, regardless of the number of courses in the meal. I can handle most social events and know which fork to use, which spoon is for dessert, how to indicate when I am finished eating, walk down the stairs like a lady, answer the phone correctly, even eat an artichoke properly (of course, no one actually needs to know that, but that little detail is highly irrelevant).

Now that's not to say that I do it all correctly all of the time, even though I know HOW to do it. I am, after all, only human (and how much easier life would be if that were not the case!!!). Though I try really hard not to make this particular blunder...I, too, lay invitations aside thinking, "I need to call them about this", only to be horrified as the RSVP date has come and gone and I have neglected to respond. I have occasionally forgotten to call someone back, forgotten a thank you note, or not handled a social situation perfectly. But at least I try!

Oh, it's good stuff, the knowing what to do. "Why", my boys always ask..."Who cares", they want to know. Well, having good manners shows respect for yourself, respect for the people in your presence at the time, and respect for society in general.

But I have decided that there are a few places where a gross lack of etiquette is quite apparent...

... And I have had enough!
... It's time I take a stand!

Maybe I am getting old and bitter, possibly even crotchety...or maybe I am even more type A than I thought (God forbid!)...or maybe I have been the victim of one too many random acts of grocery store rudeness.

Whatever the reason, I simply can't take it anymore!

Forgive me if I sound harsh, it’s just that I feel I must set America straight on the rules of grocery store etiquette!

So let it be heard!... From Marsh to Kroger!... From Super Target to Super Wal-Mart!...
From fresh fruit to frozen food!...
From sea to shining sea!...

These, my fellow Americans, are the rules by which we should shop:

1. The phrase “12 items or less” (which I must point out is grammatically incorrect and should be “12 items or fewer” …oh, I feel so much better) means exactly that. So honey, if you have 13 items, get the heck in the other lane! …maybe that didn’t sound so mannerly or loving…I am so sorry. Please do forgive me. …but still, I do not want to see your face in this line if you have even one item over 12. Play by the rules or don’t play, sister!

2. Please refrain from parking your cart, with your purse in it, in the middle of the aisle, and then walking up and down said aisle looking for items while totally oblivious to the purse-filled cart in the middle. When you do this it leaves me only 2 choices: to stand there pretending to patiently look for something right at the spot where your cart is (while screaming at you inside my head) or to gently move your purse-filled cart over so that I can actually maneuver through the aisle…at which point you, totally oblivious to your rudeness and utter lack of concern for anyone but yourself, think that I am actually trying to steal your purse instead of simply move your car so that I can be on my merry way. NOT a good situation.

3. I beg you to reign in your children. While I adore (most) children, the grocery store can, at times, bring out the little monster in them. And since there are no problems, only opportunities, the grocery store can provide a delightful opportunity to show your child who the boss is…and it is not him! If your little darling starts to act not-so-darling, please do take the proverbial bull by the horns, go to customer service, explain that a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do, leave your cart with them, and take the child to the car for disciplining. Yes, it is a hassle for you. But, it is the right thing to do, the best thing for your child, and the nicest, most respectful thing you can do for every other customer in the store. (As a side note, the same thing applies in restaurants!)
When my own children have acted like heathens in the store, I have jumped on them like the Lone Ranger on Silver (!) and then smiled broadly, apologized profusely to anyone left in our wake saying, “I’m so very sorry! My boys are still learning grocery store etiquette!” At that point they look at me like I am from another planet, further driving home the point that there is an utter lack of concern for doing the right thing socially. Yet somehow it gives me an odd sense of satisfaction to leave them wondering what exactly just happened.

4. Ah, the cell phone… My nemesis! I do not want to be that accessible! (But that part of this topic is another discussion for another day!) While the cell phone is a useful tool, even necessary at times, it is severely over-used! I get that you may need to call home to check on the teen-ager babysitting your little ones while you are shopping…or you might need to call the friend to ask what that secret ingredient was in her Duck a la Orange (though how thoughtful it would have been of you to have done that prior to leaving home!)…or, if you are a man, how very act-of-true-love-ish for you to call home to ask the wife if she would like her Always with wings or without. However, if a phone call you must make, I beg of you to: A.) make it quick, and B.) make it quiet!! Please do not carry on an hour-long conversation trekking up and down every aisle as you loudly converse about your relationship issues. This is rudeness at its extreme! The other shoppers do not care to hear the details, trust me! Please, just be mindful of your fellow man! …Seriously, people!

5. This one is a biggie…and maybe it comes from my many years of teaching first grade and kindergarten: I like it when people follow the rules, darn it!
And one of them is “Do not cut”!
When the lines get long, and the cashiers open another lane, they should have the good sense to look at the “next in line” point-blank in the eyeballs and say, “Ma’am, I’ll take you over here.”
Unfortunately it usually goes something more like this:
*I am 2nd in line.
*Person checking out in front of me, in the express lane, did not follow rule #1, therefore has 25 items and is counting out exact change to the penny, and trying to give multiple coupons, some of which have expired.
*Line gets long behind me.
*New line opens.
*12 year old girl working newly opened register doesn’t even look up as she yells, “Next!”
*While truly I am next, the 7 people in line behind me start running like maniacs who have never been in public, elbowing each other out of the way.
*Of course, in my quest for civility, I did not join in the maniacal clobbering to get to the other line, so there I stand…stunned…and most notably, still waiting behind 25 item person!!

(Here’s a hint about what’s supposed to happen if check out girl doesn’t take charge and tell everyone who is coming over next: The person behind person #2 in line says with a smile, “Hey, you’re next, so how about you go first and I’ll follow you over to that line?” See how civil that is…delightful!)

This very scenario recently happened to me at my local grocery…except that it was exacerbated by the fact that I was in the biggest of big hurries and more than one lane opened and, while I was #2 in line, no one made any attempt to disperse the line in the order in which it was formed. (The control freak in me just about went off the freakin’ edge cause all we needed here was some sensible person to take charge and start directing people…I think I would have been a good choice….I would’ve done it with a sweet voice and a lovely smile!) The chick in front of me was not only counting out coupons and correct change, she was also having an in-depth conversation with the clerk about something (truly) meaningless. I had no paper bag to breathe into, so while practicing my deep cleansing breaths and positive self-talk, trying to embody what it is that Jesus would do, and not stab this chick in the eye with my leopard-print stiletto, I decided that I must become the voice of store etiquette and write about it!

And finally…
6. After placing your bagged groceries in the back end of your car, please do take the extra 30 seconds to place your cart in the receptacle. For the love of Pete, people, it takes all of 30 seconds! This alleviates the wind blowing your cart into my headlights while I am shopping! Putting it “away where it goes” allows the elderly lady to pull into that choice parking spot that she actually needs. And it just shows respect for the store property, it shows respect for the property of others, namely their expensive cars that they don’t want scratched, and it’s just the right thing to do! Frankly, folks, it’s just good manners!



So, at the risk of sounding however I just sounded, I am glad I’ve aired my grocery grievances…
Maybe you’ll think of what I’ve said…
Maybe you’ll copy this blog and “accidentally” drop it at the feet of some rude dude in the store to teach him a lesson…
Whatever the outcome, I feel better, vindicated even, just having said it!

But know this…
I’ll be watching you…like a good store security camera…I’ll be watching.

Question: What's the worst etiquette you've encountered in a store? What's something you could do sometime to show manners and respect to others?